Last time I checked I was a kid, seriously! I was 10 years old, walking down a cafeteria, with a full tray in my hands, when I stumbled upon some feet and ended up on my face, among general laughs and amusement. Last time I checked, I didn’t know how to drive and, when I finally learned, I ended up into a wall that seemed so much further than it actually was, every time I had seen it right in front of my house. Last time I took a look at my bedroom, there was a poster of a young Kurt Cobain above my head, with his eyes towards my future.
I don’t know what exactly happened or how these past 28 years (last time I checked I was 17, I swear!) flew by bringing me love, memories, trips, runs, tests, and a daughter.
I don’t know if I’ve actually grown older or if my mind is trying to quickly catch up with my body, because it doesn’t want to be left behind. Although, last time I checked, I was playing a record by Arcade Fire for the first time and now that record is ten years old.
I really didn’t think I would, someday, be in a room full of 20 year olds and feel slightly odd. You know precisely what I’m talking about: that kind of feeling you get when you wake up in the morning in a hotel room and it takes you a couple seconds to realize that’s not home, so you get a little lost. Eventually you shake the sleepiness off and you find yourself again, only somewhere different than usual. I never thought I would sense a generational gap, because, last time I checked, I was swimming in that gap and my mom was yelling at me, for coming back home too late.
“I guess I’d better get used to it,” I tell myself, “It is only going to get worse, after all.”
They say youth is a state of mind. If that’s true, the moment you decide to leave that state and relocate into adulthood, you lose your golden spot at your life’s show. Growing old and grey is a matter of choice, apparently. As you collect experiences and you learn lessons, all you’re doing is reinventing yourself into someone older, unless you choose not to, despite the experiences and the life lessons. You could choose to stay young, to look at things with the surprised eyes of a child, to discover new interests or new things within your old interests with the same eagerness you had when you were 17.
That’s the reason why I’m now looking for the man who defeated time and stayed young until the end of his. So, you might think you’re the one! If that’s the case, please feel free to come forward and speak your mind. Let me know how you managed to stay forever young. I have a resolution for this year and the next sixty to come: I want to plant a permanent tent at this youth gig. As memories accumulate, I want to embrace the future with open arms and I want to be perpetually excited about finding out who is playing next, on my stage.
I was recently catching up with an old friend from high school. Ironically, I think I hadn’t talked to that friend in about ten years (even though, last time I checked, we were waiting for the next metro together). I couldn’t help but laugh and look at what I am now when my old friend went, “You know, these young kids nowadays, the ones who dress like that and act like that, they’re called hipsters.” I don’t think I’ve ever been perceived as older than that.